Why we Need to Appreciate Our Own Aloneness


A great writer once said;

“The only way out is in”.

This is certainly true today as everyone takes his or her own individual path towards escapism. We are all trying very hard to escape our daily lives, or even worse, ourselves. We do this through staring down at our mobile phones every chance we get, by filling our minds with endless non-stimulations such as television and by spending countless hours in the companies of others. Nobody wants to be alone, and even worse; nobody wants to be alone with their abyss of thoughts and doubts. When you are amongst a group of people and most of them are busy doing something on their phone; you must know that these people aren’t exceptionally busy. But, it is just easier to engage with a device that does not require any human interaction. Truth is, most of us aren’t aware of how to interact with others in person and if we do, we just choice not to do it. We avoid each other and more importantly; we avoid ourselves.

Why do we do this? Why can’t we go to restaurants and eat by ourselves? Why don’t we attend events on our own? Why do we always grab for our phones the second we are in the presence of strangers or even groups of our own friends? The answers to all these questions centre around our lack of appreciation for aloneness. In an age where we can digitally interact with people all over the world in a matter of seconds, we’ve been led to believe that being with others is a substitute for being with ourselves. We are not taught to love our own company or ourselves. Instead, we are taught to appreciate others and the company that they can provide us. Why is it that the value of aloneness is so underreported or neglected? Solitude is one of the most underappreciated acts of our century.

“Sometimes you get so alone that it just makes sense” – Charles Bukowski

Try out this experiment. Sit in your room for an hour and turn your phone/laptop off. Dispel any distractions, don’t do anything, at all. Just sit there. What do you feel at the end of the hour? Aloneness? Sadness? Or do you feel at peace, content and fulfilled by an hour of your own company? Most people are likely to feel the former feelings. Indeed, our happiness is very much rooted in how much we are needed and called upon by other people. However, if there is anyone that needs you most; it is your inner self. Aloneness is not a synonym for loneliness; in fact it is a sign of great strength to be at peace with your own thoughts. You have to spend time with yourself and enjoy it. No matter where you go in the world, you will take yourself with you and there’s no escaping the contents of your mind.

When we use people as distractions, we exhaust them. People are not engines for our own fulfilment. Only you can fulfil yourself. Some people go even more extreme and attempt to possess another individual. This is the worst and perhaps most fatal way to eviscerate the human soul. Ask yourself, do you spend enough time with yourself? How many hours a day do you do this? And how often? If you cannot recall the last time that you sat with yourself and pondered the complexities of life, or even just had a debate with yourself (this is very possible), then you are among the many people in this world who do not appreciate aloneness. You have been led to believe that you will find solace in other people, in love, in sex, in family, in work, everything but the connection you have with yourself.

“Because you depend on others, you are afraid to go into aloneness- because the moment you start going into your aloneness, you start becoming afraid of losing yourself. You don’t have yourself in the first place, but whatever self you have created out of others opinions will have to be left behind. Hence, it is very scary to go in. The deeper you go, the less you know who you are” – Osho

But, what of those who find themselves unexciting and do not in fact enjoy their own company? There is simply no such thing. Every single one of us is exciting and the more you immerse yourself in yourself, the greater you value your own unique creativity and energy. I, for example, cannot spend huge amounts of time with anyone that isn’t myself. This has nothing to do with egoism or “antisocialness” as we’ve been led to believe. It simply means that I have formed a robust bond with my mind and self that being away from myself for long periods of time, leads me to miss my self excessively. It is not that I need to be completely alone, locked away in a dark room. In fact, most of the time I prefer to be alone in places filled with people, for example coffee shops. But, I enjoy my company enough to be able to miss it.

Aloneness is a gift. A beautiful gift to the human soul. We ought to treasure the time we have to ourselves. We ought to regularly consult with ourselves, take our own advice and rely less on other people for satisfaction. True and consistent satisfaction comes from the bond you form with yourself. Nobody else is a constant. Don’t isolate yourself, but instead train yourself to be happy with your own presence. When something goes wrong or in the case of you feeling imbalanced; go within. You are your own cure. Nobody can save you. Nobody can live so deep inside of you that it fills up all your wounds. You are everything you need, and everything you will ever need. You are your own remedy, solace and joy. The inward determines the outward. When you start to feel content with your own presence, you will teach yourself the greatest lesson of all: nothing is better than your own aloneness.


  1. I totally get this piece, whole heartily. I remember when I was younger I use to just lie on my bed almost everyday after school an d veg out. I like my own company, but it was interesting, when I let my mind wander for to long, things got weird. I guess I’m a weird person. After that year of high school, I almost always find myself retreating to my room and just being, not really doing anything, would ignore text messages, and calls, and not play any games. I’ve since graduated (this past May actually) and still feel the need for that daily alone time more than ever. Your post really evokes me to think at the gravity of what solitude means. Funny this is that, just recently I ended almost all of my relationships with very toxic friends that I had known for many years, and the solitude feels sorta like mockery now, but also I have the urge now to go out constantly and party hard. I feel torn.

  2. I share your feelings about the need for solitude, as it is something that I have always required and valued. Many people are uncomfortable with stillness and silence because of the feelings that might arise — it’s easier not to deal with them. Modern society has made the avoidance of stillness the norm. We are always rushing to do something, checking messages, “communicating”, but not communing with ourselves at all. One way to begin to enter and appreciate stillness and inner work is through yoga and meditation.

  3. Reblogged this on Lost in Translation and commented:
    Sums up many of my thoughts extremely eloquently. As a Christian and a believer in God I don’t %100 agree, but her overall message is something many should take into account. Personally, I am someone who loves spending time with myself. Sometimes exploring my mind, thoughts, and feelings after a long day is exactly what I need. And I used to think that that it was weird for me to be able to spend an hour doing nothing but being with myself. But I know deep down that it is just what I need.

  4. I love my alone time being I am reserved and a tad on the introvert side. Great reminder to the rest of the world. Many thanks!

  5. I only started using wordpress and i wrote my first post a few minutes back. While browsing through other blogs ,i stumbled upon this post. I was going through a rough phase and your post really made my day. I couldn’t agree more, we don’t value the time we spend on our own. But im still not convinced if alone time leads to happiness. I love being on my own,recharge my batteries but Im happy when Im surrounded by the people I love 🙂

  6. What a wonderful essay! I was looking for a quote for my email signature and came across you for the first time, looked you up, and found this site. I’ve posted this writing on fb – I spend a lot of time by myself by choice, and perhaps people who question me on this will appreciate it restated by another. Thank you!

  7. I have always thought this to be a thing that is within me. Being alone. It’s something I am used to and I am comfortable with. I grew up an only child, raised by a single mother and we had a dog. I know many times I would allow myself to just be comfortable sitting down with myself and appreciating the quiet. Even now, I feel that too much noise and racket bothers me and affects my mood. The best remedy for that, to me, is to just be alone. Although my escapism from when I was a child to now has probably always been my love of sketching and painting. I have since discovered my love for writing which has stemmed from that creativity bug and is still something I probably use to escape the daily run of things.
    I really enjoyed your post.

    Developing your own identity and being happy with it is probably one of the most important things in life.

    Thanks again for this insightful post.

  8. I desire aloneness, and you have just made the word even more desirable with this piece. I just love it. ❤

  9. While I enjoy running clubs, some of my best long runs have happened when I was on my own, alone in my thoughts, enjoying my time to myself. I may not be able to sit in my room (or my house) for an hour and do nothing but be in my own thoughts (seriously, I am wife and a mother and I need my PHONE!), but I certainly can “multi-task” and do it out on the road. 🙂 Beautifully written.

  10. That is really beautiful and simple to me because I do it almost all of the time. However, it’s unfortunate that you are correct that many people don’t want to be alone. I remember when my ex jumped from our relationship right into another. He looked me in my eyes and said with sincerity “You don’t understand, I can’t be alone”.. Those were the saddest words I ever heard coming from his mouth..smh

  11. I completely agree and love to spend time with myself.. nothing antisocial. . Just hearing myself out to know me better. .
    but lately have missed doing so.. i even wrote about it.. Thanks for this post.. will definitely try to regain my relationship with myself..

  12. Simply amazing! Definitely a post I will be re-blogging! I feel the exact same way, more people need to be content and at peace with themselves and truly enjoy their own company before they can truly enjoy someone else’s.

  13. Does it count if when I am alone I prefer to read? I mean, I can sit still by myself but after a while I get sleepy if I am not doing something…

  14. I am an introvert and I need alone time. Some people don’t understand it. Being alone with your thoughts is the best thing you can do for your soul. You can think clearly. Your creativity emerges. You recharge.

  15. for too many people the state of loneliness/solitude is not a choice. it can be a curse from which there may be no reprieve. lucky are those who can choose the company of both worlds and all inbetween.

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